Tuesday, October 1, 2013

We don’t own any guns, but we might soon.

Usually non-stop chatter when her daddy picks her up from preschool, the pink punk was quiet as she climbed up into her car seat in his truck.

"How was school, Alice?" He asks her smiling as he pulls out of the parking lot.
... silence.

"Did you do anything fun today?"

<she whispers something quietly, but an ominous air fills the car>

Oblivious to the danger, daddy continues his investigation, "Did you show your teacher your cool rocks from the pond?"

"I KISSED A BOY." A declaration, a pink punk meets his eyes in the rear view mirror, a challenge in the way she lifts her chin.

"What? Who? What?! Why?!" His life begins to pass before his eyes, he was supposed to have years to prepare for this, instead he finds himself sputtering sounds instead of words.

Whispers a thing of the past, she squares her four year old shoulders and smiles "I kissed Liam! He was sleeping at nap time, I was VERY sneaky. We love each other! People who love each other kiss each other blah blah blah..." her chatter trails off as the perfectly reasonable middle age father with a steady job and loving family begins to wonder if he will need to use both hands to strangle a preschool size Casanova, or if one will be enough.

Finally the two minute drive home that seemed to last forever came to an end so the daddy could turn this rapidly dissolving situation over to a professional, "Mommy? Someone has been KISSING boys at school. While they are SLEEPING."
"I Iove him!" says the pink peanut gallery.

The mother assesses the defiance in the smug face and chooses another tactic "Oh my! What's his name? Did your teachers see? Are you getting married? I love him, too! Tell me everything!"

Like a Venus Trap, the sweet smell of victory lulls the pink punk into her outstretched arms...

...which is how I found out the "kissing" in question was done across a pile of tiny sleeping humans, that she blew it off the tips of her defiant pink fingers, and that "kissing with lips on lips is only for mommy and daddy and Russell and Alice and Osem, except fern won't kiss me, I hold her down, and she still WON'T blah blah blah..." and, as this chatter begins to disperse all the dark clouds that had been brewing around a certain Jon King... I knew... this is only the beginning.


alice kiss

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