Wednesday, August 8, 2012

How a mommy blogger copes PART ONE

Haha, funny story: so do you guys remember that time we decided to have a "stay-cation" with Jon's time off? You know, tool around our own neighborhood, work on the tree house, go to the dentist and get fancy dessert's at the mall? Oh yeah, Alice and I spent a WHOLE day at the mall which resulted in a Facebook feed full of pictures like these:

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All that on the same day the boys rode their bikes to the grocery store allowing me to be optimistic that they ate more than just the five gallon barrel of peanut butter pretzels for breakfast, lunch, and dinner while playing video games.

As it turns out, a person can have a whole lot of fun in their own backyard! Which is why the next day (after stopping at the pharmacy to pick up my new prescription of Prozac, yo! you know how I like to keep it real) we headed up Silverado Canyon and up to the top of the Saddleback Mountains which resulted in idyllic family photo ops like these:

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We're a regular VonTrapp family.

Oh except for the part where you can't remember any of this because I never got to tell you. That's right, by the time they find this unpublished blog post I might be dead, iPad clutched in my hot dehydrated arms and children missing, probably adopted by wolves or squirrels and refusing to return to civilized society.

In fact, as I write this, we are stranded on a mountain so close to "civilized society" if all else fails I can electrocute myself on the giant cell phone towers if dying of thirst becomes too bleak a prospect.

"Come on, Jon!" I said "Let's go up on a Wednesday when no one else will be there. There are too many cars going up and down that small dirt road on the weekend."

It's true.

"Don't you want to get out of the city without driving all the way to Utah? Feel like we're the only people on earth for a minute?"

Thing is, we are not the only people on earth, we have TWO children.

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Two children who have just consumed the last of the sadly wilted string cheese. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat it after it turns kind of yellow, although drinking the melted chocolate straight out of the Whatchamacallit wrappers seems totally appropriate. Our mostly organic health kick means I may have lost my appreciation for preservatives. In case I don't say it enough, thanks Disodium Phosphate!

…and now we sit...

…watching this spot of road down the hill:

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...waiting for anything to round the corner and taking turns calling Nic Stewart or AAA and barely getting excited anymore that the call appears to be going through right before "call fail" appears on the screen.

If you're reading this, I guess I'm dead. Or at home. Just know before whatever the ending of the story is, all was not lost! As Jon took off his shirt on the hottest recorded day of the year and began his 6 and 1/2 mile jogging decent down the mountain (we’re talking temperature here, people) I scaled the nearby dirt and tumbleweed edge to belt out the theme song for Rocky until he disappeared from view, and then remembered that there is still a warm can of coke in the glove box and an iPad under the front seat.

(Or what I might call “Mommy Blogger Coping Skills”)

Just time alone with my thoughts.

And my children.

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I don't know their astrological signs? I wonder what that means about me and my parenting.

Does Prozac have any nutritional value? If not, what are the chances I could catch a squirrel and cook it on the hood of my car?

If a gang of dirt bikers catches up to Jon and kidnaps him, how much of a fight would he put up? You know, before swearing off women and children for the freedom of the open road and gas station food?

Who knows if AAA will even be willing to come up here? What's the most anyone's ever been charged to tow a Jeep full of children off a mountain? $1000? $2000? One Million Dollars?! ...Ah!

Update: In the forth hour (and losing daylight fast) help seems to have arrived... on foot! I'm not sure what that means but I'm glad I didn't have to kill any tree rodents. With rescue on the horizon I now see that this post may seem a little dramatic, but every time I was hanging the kids off the side of the road to use the bathroom I would be lying if I didn't admit those electrical towers got a little tempting.

Next stay-cation? More chlorine, less awesome photo ops.

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Although that's a pretty awesome photo.

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO: THE. RESCUE.

2 comments:

Sharron said...

HUH???? are you kidding me? you shoulda stayed here in the safe wilderness of utah. at least there's cell phone service here (if you're lucky enuf to have your cell phone on you). bravo jon, nice save. great job, motheroftwosurvivalexpert. you could host a new tv show, "Survivorwoman, The Urban Version". glad you guys are all ok! (awesome pics, btw)

Erin said...

I haven't had an experience like this as a parent, but, oh, when I was a child. My dad always had to take the "scenic route," which usually left us broken down, stuck, or out of gas. The best part in my mind was that I always got to hitch-hike with my dad to up his chances of getting a ride. And the thing is, I ONLY remember the times when something went "wrong," and I loved it!

Russell is totally going to remember this day for always, which hopefully makes it worth it--even if you do have to up your dose of Prozac :)