Monday, March 19, 2012

Disneyland kind of freaks me out.

Calm down, I’m not here to bash the old Mickster.


Come on! Tell me you’ve never been there, standing in the line for It’s A Small World next to a sweatshirted thirty-something year old man who seems to be there by himself, and a gaggle of glitter soaked ponytailed twelve year old cheerleaders on the other side of you. Trying not to make eye contact with either, you find yourself watching the lusty teenagers walking by with hands in each others pockets, or the exhausted parents trying to hold it together while they push a stroller past that seems to have come to rattling, exploding, shrieking life by mere association with it’s passenger who was, from all appearances, earlier in the day some kind of a tiny Cinderella person.  This is when you think to yourself, “no seriously, I can’t remember why I am here right now.”

This is just one of the many reasons why, as we dig into our little money pockets each year and fork out the insane amount of dough it costs for our annual passes, we also put on our best smile, grit our teeth, and declare it “The Happiest Place On Earth”

Demand, really.

The happiest place ON EARTH. Now, dammit.

Smile dammit!

If I have to come over there, I will make you smile.

And maybe I’ve seen one too many good old fashioned zombie movies, but heaven forbid I suddenly find myself surrounded by thousands of my fellow aspiring “parents of the year”, romantic teenagers with their unbrushed teeth, woman in inappropriate shoes, woman in inappropriate childlike sweatshirt, cute elderly couple who seem to be intentionally holding their canes out to create hazards to the aforementioned groping teenagers, only to discover we are now being herded like cattle by official looking youths with red light saber flashlights and loud monotone voices demanding we “stay to the right” and I don’t even know where we are going… 

…slack jawed, glazed eyes…

…so hungry.

<I can’t decide if I should insert zombie moaning here, or evil cackling. What’s scarier?>

<… oh, OH! BABY CRYING! >

Of course, when all hope seems lost is when Disney never lets me down. The corndogs really are delicious, Californian’s really are afraid of “weather” so on a cold or drizzly day you can hit all the rides in about 5 hours, and when you really need a handsome prince to show up on his trusty steed? Well, where better for a little comic relief than Sleeping Beauties Castle…


(if you were saving up that evil cackle, now would be a good time for it…)


Lorraine said...

HORSE POOP YES! This is the best post ever.

Alissa Rae King said...

you say that about all my cursing posts, but I believe you today because of the horse poop thing.

Sharron said...

yes that is absolutely AWESOME. i will never forget our first time there with russell, such a great time right until it WASN'T. don't we have a great pic somewhere of him crying with the big melting multi-color ice cream cone in his hand? almost as good as alice with the corn dog. we need to save up and get passes again, i'm dying to do autopia with alice! love you~

Kaytie said...

Even better.....I love that I get to experience this joy next Wednesday!

Andrea said...

I don't know which is less desirable, the horse poop or the "romantic teenagers with their unbrushed teeth"... ewww.