Friday, January 13, 2012

My New Day Resolutions

Yup, it’s that time of day again: Time for declaring my New Day Resolutions for Friday January 13, 2012!

Yesterday I began my day the usual way, an ice cold glass of low sodium V8 juice, a small handful of sunflower seeds, and a small delicious bowl of Multigrain Cheerios with organic whole milk.

And yesterday I ended my day in the usual way, standing over the sink eating directly out of the cake pan using the spatula as my fork. I really shouldn’t even own a spatula.

It’s the gateway utensil.

People, I HAVE to eat cake, I’m kind of on the fritz! I’m starting to get a wreckage of bodies piling up around me and they have names like “blog updates”or “make a grocery list for MEALS.”

Despite how yummy the Costco barrels of sourdough pretzels are for a kindergarten lunch, they don’t actually transfer well into a Tuesday night dinner. And don’t forget my other dead friends:

“date night”

“check engine light”

or sadly

“personal hygiene”

For the latter we will be holding a vigil this evening in my shower, and no you’re not invited. Well, maybe Jon, kill two birds with one stone and all that. For goodness sake, I’m a mom! If I can’t turn “shaving my armpits” into “date night” then I should just give back my Multi Tasking tiara and sash now.

Also, I’m still waiting for that tiara and sash because I earned it!

Last year, anyway.

I know we’re only 13 days in, but already it’s clear I might be aiming for the more modest pageant mom titles like “licks her plate clean before placing in the dishwasher” or “cool mom” which I will earn by delivering Russell to school a fashionable 5 minutes late every day this week

<sigh> and now you are caught up, so let’s get back to it:

My New Day Resolutions!

Brush teeth.

Eat with actual utensils.

Unpack one box under the garage.

And finally, write and publish one itty bitty blog post telling people you’re not dead.

(just too busy eating cake to answer the phone)

Wish me luck and I’ll wish it back! What are your New Day Resolutions for this lil’ ‘ol Friday?


Brittanyphalen said...

Hi. You don't know me, but my husband recently cleaned your carpets and said I absolutely HAD to read your blog. Since then I've read quite a bit and am extremely impressed. You are a talented and hilarious writer and an even more amazing mom. I am amazed at how much fun is to be had in your household and how amazing and funny your children are. I am also greatly inspired, being that I am a new mom and trying to figure out how in the world to keep the kitchen clean while tending to a 2 month old, which doesn't seem like a big task on paper but somehow there are not enough hours in the day. Mostly I just felt the need to introduce myself so I feel like less of a stalker. Also to commend you on all that you do and to provide a bit of encouragement. Besides, what husband really cares if their wives armpits are shaved anyways lol.

Kateastrophe said...

First, we should be friends with this Brittany person who beat me to commenting. Second, last night I ate cinnamon bears dipped in chocolate for dinner so I think webcam safely say that eating with utensils is overrated.

Alissa Rae King said...

Brittany, I know who are! Remember? We spent a sort of ridiculously long time setting up the appointment because we were so busy thinking "how nice this lady is!" about each other?

I'm glad you stopped by! I'm looking forward to putting up the post about your business, I can't believe your hubby SAVED our bad craigslist couches, and made them our awesome new couches instead :)

Alissa Rae King said...

Kate! Please tell me you wrote that comment from your iPhone and that you didn't actually eat those poor defenseless bears ON your webcam!

Unless, of course it is still on youtube somewhere and I can watch it.

Brittanyphalen said...

Wrong husband, mine was the younger taller one :)

Alissa Rae King said...

Ah, Steve! Steven? Stefan? No I don't think it was something from a romance novel, I am going to stick with Steve!

Brittanyphalen said...

Yup :) That ones mine :)

Bill @ carpet cleaning orange county said...

Hi Alissa,
Bill here from Carpet Cleaning Orange County the guys who cleaned your upholstery. I love your hilarious and so true blogs! Sorry but is the only way I was able to contact you as the E-mail we were giving is not working. Anyway, if you would like to still have our monthly newsletter and specials you can E-mail us at I hope your happy with our cleaning and we would love a review on Angies list & Yelp if you have the time.
Thanks, Owner Bill Vivers (949)230-5496

Bill @ orange county carpet cleaning said...

I just realized the Stephen's Wife Brittany has been reading you blog and talking to you. I did not read any of the other posts till I posted my comment is why. I must say you are hilarious and a very entertaining writer. The thing is, we all can relate to your storys for the most part. Except the armpit thing! Hahaha

Jes Myrick said...

I resolve to blog once a week. Eat more veggies. Drink more water. Take my crazy person vitamins. Get to Karate at least once a week. Practice said Karate at least once a week. See my husband get a regular job that doesn't make me want to ask him 7 times a day, "Did you get paid yet?" I can't do much about the last one it's more a new years wish. And my final resolution for the year 2012 is to see my friend Alissa in all her glory before the end of the year. Possible?

Andrea said...

Hi, I am commenting pretty late in the year. I have pretty much given up on all of my new years resolutions already. Life is always better after January 7th :)