Sunday, October 2, 2011

This one time…

(because this is how Russell pretty much starts every sentence lately)

So, this one time, I had all these nice friends and cousins show up at my door to pack almost my entire house into boxes and put it in the garage!

I totally could have done it alone, but instead of four hours and some good times, it would have taken me about 4 weeks and some good hysterics. Or medication.

Thanks friends!! And that includes friends who took the baby for about 4 hours longer than we asked them to, and friends who are bringing me furniture from far off locations (like Glendora? I know, very exotic stuff going on here…)

Suffice it to say, I have excellent taste in friends and family, and blog posts of gratitude are being formed in my head as we speak, but FIRST, I want to tell you about this one time (last night), when I smashed my own self in the face and my husband fell over from the shock of all the blood.

Wow, didn’t see that coming did ya?

Neither did EYE!!

So, long day, hard work, good times… oh, and Russell living high on the hog by snaking bottled waters from the fridge all day, drinking half and then getting new ones. Don’t ask, I DON’T KNOW WHY. Anyway, midnight rolls around and I’m TOO TIRED to sleep, but TOO TIRED to stay awake. Ugh, my brain was just being so loud, and I just wanted to sleep so bad

…no, this is not the part where I smash my own self in the face, but in retrospect I really wish I would have at least considered it…

Instead, I decided to take an AMBIEN, climb in my covers, and call it a night. Which is when I started thinking about ALL those half consumed waters. Like, ten or fifteen of them.

<sigh> Alright, one last mommy job and THEN sleep.

So I stumble out of bed to get the kid up to pee. Not because I’m awesome, but lazy! I simply don’t want any chance that 15 bottles of water may require me to change anybody’s sheets at 3AM when I’m getting my beauty (trying not to look as old as I feel) sleep.

Which is when, as I directed the still mostly sleeping child into the bathroom, I (read: ambien) misjudged where I was when I leaned down to pull the toilet seat up and CONKED my eye socket on the corner of the tall granite countertop. 

I’m not real clear if I started cursing or bleeding first, all I know for sure is there was a lot of both, and when a still mostly sleeping Jon bounded round the corner and saw me, well… Alice has just learned to say “adios,” and at that moment, Jon simply acted out the word. First he turned as white as the snow from our home state, heroically got me a bag of frozen mixed vegetables and a paper towel, and then bam, we lost him.

I don’t remember much after that, I woke up this morning bandaged and rested with a warm bag of defrosted veggies on my head, and a GLORIOUS shiner to show off all week while we finish the new house and move out of the old one.

I know what you’re thinking by the way, and yes, maybe later I’ll add a picture to this post. I mean, this is WHY I have a blog, right? To amuse you at my own expense?

Gosh, I hope you’re amused…

2 comments:

Crystal King said...

Must be a King thing, Matt passes out at the sight of blood too!

Erin said...

I'm so very, very amused.

It's like the day when Norah tasted her own poop and Moxie got sprayed by a skunk; someone has GOT to get some enjoyment out of it!