Tuesday, August 2, 2011


That’s how my husband answers the phone when it’s my dad. I don’t know why, but without ever hearing the phone ring, I can be on the other side of the house and know Jon is on the phone with my dad when I hear him yell, “Yo, man! What’s up?”

And yes, I mean yell. My beloved is so very loud I think I would know he was on the phone if I were on another planet. YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM TRY AND WHISPER. IT’S LOUDER THAN MY NATURAL TALKING VOICE. I don’t mind, I knew what I was getting into since we met at a call center in college. He used to get more surveys than anyone you’ll ever meet, and I’ve always had a suspicion it’s because most people didn’t even know they were taking a survey since they were so busy trying to figure out why this nice young man was YELLING at them. After we got engaged they always used to make me sit next to him, because somehow my wanting to marry him gave me a higher tolerance for his volume? Maybe it did. Now I use that tolerance with his very loud children.

I have actually tried to explain the mechanics of whispering to him and Russell before. You know, how to use mostly breath and no vocal chords? All we really got out of that little adventure is that now we know whispering is something you either can do, or you can’t. Like algebra.

In my defense, I don’t know why anyone would want to do algebra.

Oh, and in case you missed it, you are now halfway through my over the top, apparently quite romantic, public love letter to my husband on our 11 year anniversary while he is out of town on business for the week.

Listen, I don’t have time for romance. I mean, we like each other, which I hear is a good thing after eleven years. In fact, since my pregnancies have left me with a semi permanent state of anemia, I seem to have more hickies these days than I ever had in high school.

You know you’ve been married eleven years when bruising easily is the high point of your romantic life. 

Happy Anniversary, Jon. I miss your loud face. I’m sorry that it probably seems like this stage of our romance is full sticker charts, health food, time-out battles, tedious chores, and waiting for Barbara to move out of the house we bought a month ago, but I’m glad I am the one sitting with you at this bus stop. I don’t need a life that feels like a chic flick and can be wrapped up in an hour and twenty minutes. For the record, I plan on boring you to death like a foreign film, but I think (especially with our kids) we have at least have a few special effects still to come, not to mention the explosions. 

And here is your present! It’s what all men want: a quote from a book! It works as a present because I’m giving it to you here on my public blog so everyone can know how unreasonable I am, and how patient you are. Plus I spent all my money on lego’s and swimming lessons to distract the children while you’re gone.

From Garrison Keillors Book of Guys:

A guy said, “I ain’t no misogynist or chauvinist but I got to say, women are getting awfully impossible to please these days. I’ve been busting my butt for years trying to keep women happy, and they’re madder at me now than they ever were before I started trying so hard. I quit playing softball and took up painting delicate water colors, still lifes mostly, and tossing salads, and learned how to discuss issues and feelings and concerns and not make jokes about them, and they’re still angry with me.”

which he wrote a few pages before this:

A fastball travels ninety miles and hour or so, and if it isn’t thrown by guys, it isn’t gonna be thrown, babes.

Thank you for going out and conquering the world this week. XOXO!! Lissa Rae



Lorraine said...

I really like that guy. I miss the Kings a lot now. And I totally remember that EXACT moment that I discovered Jon's inability to whisper: it was backstage at Fountain Green music when the grasshoppers were going to play, and the band was just introducing themselves, and Jon starts talking backstage in his "WHISPER" and I almost died laughing that someone so smart could be incapable of something so easy, and it made me like him even more. Even if I was a little mortified.

also, this is the best post ever. You rock.

family of Rays said...

Happy anniversary guys! I can't believe how time flies. Love ya!

Andrea said...

Happy Anniversary!! That sucks that you two couldn't actually be in the same state for it :(