Friday, August 26, 2011

I talked to BARBARA.

Last night.


Since no one has heard from or seen her in about three weeks, and we were about to begin the process of declaring the property abandoned so we could take possession on “August 29th at 5pm,” this is quite the turn of events.

It all started when my husband, James Bond, stopped by to “check out the wood on the deck” (cover story) and noticed that backdoor was “open” (concerned citizen) and noticed that






Front door, back door, everything unlocked, no cars left in the garage, where is everything? Where is Barbara? So of course, Jon begins to look room to room. You know, to make sure everything is okay (well, now he’s just snooping).

So now we know, except for a box marked “ceramics” in the guest room, and a bed we knew she was leaving behind, there might as well be a neon sign on the front that says “VACANCY”

Jon calls me, “This is going to blow your mind,” he says.

Okay, okay! Now the story takes a turn from heroic adventuring husband to “I know I’m a buzz kill” wife, but I’m like WHAT?! You did what?!

In my defense, this should not surprise you (or him!) since when Erin was in town last month, I made her take this picture a hundred yards away to prove I had taken her to see the house, but wouldn’t let her get close enough to actually see the house if you know what I mean.


Let’s just say I do not believe in poking crazy people with sticks. 

So Jon gets home, and between him and our realtor, who is paying the mortgage on the place right now, they begin scheming to change locks.

Man, I am a wet blanket! No way! I can’t tell you how relieved I am that she got everything out, but, guys, she got everything out. She’s following our contract! Why would you try and lock someone out of a house when they are following the contract? And knowing how hoarders think from the extensive research I have been doing (you know, from my couch watching television shows about them of course), I know, I KNOW, she is coming back this weekend to get that box of ceramics.

So, before world war 3 broke out, James Bond made a decidedly un-sneaky move. He called her! We have her number, but we never use it (again with the stick theory), and besides, we knew she’s been changing her numbers and returning mail unopened to our realtor for weeks so it was a long shot.

She didn’t answer.

She called back…

Man, was she ever mad! She had been at the house all day! The fact that she was gone for the 5 minutes Jon was there is some kind of miracle, but she did pick up a message from our realtor and knew someone had been there. “Haven’t you ever left your house unlocked during the day?” She asked me.

Totally. Yes.

Then followed a conversation where my side went something like this:

“I can’t believe it, when we heard the door was unlocked I was worried, I’m so glad everything is okay! You’re great Barbara, the BEST, you emptied that house! You might have hidden super powers. Why is everybody pressuring us? I’m not ready, you’re not done, we both know Monday is the day, not tomorrow, not Saturday, Monday the 29th at 5pm, I’m with you Barbara.”

20 minutes later she went from mad as a hornet to inviting us over on Sunday to show us “the lovely home” we bought. She says we’re not going to believe it, she can’t wait to show us, she says she can’t believe it’s the same house we first walked through.

Holy cow you guys. This might actually be happening.

I hope this post doesn’t jinx it, but you guys, this might actually, FINALLY, be happening!


1 comment:

Sharron said...

WELL PLAYED, chess people.