Monday, June 27, 2011

knock on www.ood.ugh

Do you guys even know how many times since January I almost blogged about the house and then didn’t because I didn’t want to jinx it? Or get too excited too soon?

Well… I should give credit for my impulse control where credit is due. And I probably should have told you a little more about Barbara. Barbara owns the house right now. Also, Barbara is making me want to take razor blades to my eyeballs to distract myself from the pain of dealing with her. She’s also the reason for my self control over blogging about the house since we just never knew what she was gonna do, and it wasn’t until the DAY BEFORE we were closing that I took to my blog.

Of course that would be the moment she finally cracks. 

I swear, I’m a nice person.


When I see Barbara, I sympathize with the position she is in, she obviously suffers from some kind of mental illness that led to the hoarding, and she also used to be a young (er?) probably interesting person who sold pinball machines and now her health is failing her and she’s losing one of her homes. Yes, one of them. Blah, but of course I am nice to her and I’m no dummy, I understand that her being so difficult is why we are able to have a shot at this house. Anyone with even one dollar more than we have in the bank would have let this go, well? Probably about four months ago…

I think it’s my old fashioned nature that keeps me hanging on:

“Rome wasn’t built in a day,”

“Anything worth having is worth waiting for,”

(I know that! I married my husband in a Mormon Temple for heaven’s sake.) (Look it up.)

And don’t forget that it wasn’t uncommon for young men to leave their fiancé's for years before returning with enough money to start a proper family.

I can be patient. I can even practice happy patience.

Which is also how I know when I am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT OF IT.

I know that she is thrashing around like a fish taking it’s last breath as the noose tightens, but I did not know her thrashing would be able to mess with us SO BADLY. Since we had to fix our underwriting she can suddenly call this whole thing off. In fact she is threatening us daily to call it all off unless we sign contracts that she suddenly feels are VITAL, even though they don’t really pertain to anything! I feel like I have no choice and I don’t do well with being held hostage to a crazy person. (other than my own self of course, but I’m fun crazy, and she is just CRAZY, crazy…)

How do I explain to her that I have BLOGGED about it? Shouldn’t that be even more binding than a legal contract?! All my friends know about it now! I’ve shown them pictures!

It’s the same reason I always feel bad for the first person kicked off a reality show. You know, like the Bachelor or American idol? You get all the way there, maybe you even keep it to yourself all the way to premier, but now you are ON the show and every single person you’ve ever met in your entire life is suddenly tuning in to watch you be that guy. The one so bland you end up getting less than 120 seconds worth of face time before you have to pack the only outfit you actually got to wear, next to all the other ones your mother or friends painstakingly helped you pick for your big tv appearance, and the only tv they will ever be seen on is the airport x-ray on your way HOME.

Ugh. Fortunately (probably) Barbara has not given out the final rose yet. This has become the make-it or break-it week in a way I never could have imagined after our months and months of patience and cooperation. I took her Junior Mints this morning and even though she answered the door with a stream of F words, she hugged me when I left and told me I’m the daughter she never had.

No, really, someone please get the waiter, my patience needs a refill. It’s gonna be a long week…


Jack Major said...

I think we found your first novel.

Brookelyn said...

My heart is crazy for you right now. I hope that you can hold in there and I hope that someone can come around and fill up that glass for you with happiness, ju-ju bees, and a ounce of evil laughter at a poor strangers expense to help you keep going.

Andrea said...

"I see crazy people!" Alissa exclaimed as she walked away from the mother she never had or wanted's house.