Saturday, April 30, 2011

I’m Good!

No.

Better than that…

WE are great!

It was crappy, there was ugly crying and a moment where I didn’t think I could step off the doorstep. But then I did. And every step has been… free.

I’m free from the idea of the moment! The moment of “final severing” has passed!  I’ve been in a state of suspended dread, and doubting my ability to grow and change again. After all, our big change to move here in the first place was just so traumatic. When you’re eight months pregnant? Everything is larger than life, not just your stomach!

I was expecting to feel better after Russell’s first day of his new school on Tuesday, but I guess I don’t have to wait. I feel better right this second! It was nice to cry my eyes out in fine company yesterday. I know we loved, and were loved in return, and I know I have come out of Cottage with everything we ever went there for, and MORE.

So we got in the car… and Jon suggested we drive through the woods area of Lake Forest. It was inspired! He gets one of those a year, saying the exact right thing at the exact right time, like when I was still hanging on to the baby weight after having Alice, and I was considering flinging myself into the ocean because I would never, ever, ever, not be fat, ever, ever again… and he told me with total sincerity that “the muffin top is the best part of the muffin!”… or when we were in the hospital with our 3 month old pink baby, when I hadn’t left the room for days, and we were both exhausted and hungry and sharing a plate of hospital food when I turned around and he was offering me the last bite of dry mystery meat on the plate, and it was SO GOOD it made me cry and he said “Baby, I will always save you the last bite of hospital meatloaf.”

This drive was that kind of “Jon inspired.” We have an offer accepted on a short sale over in the woods, and while there are things about buying that house that are still in the air, I’ve been a little paralyzed imagining myself moving on lately. When he suggested we drive around over there? It really was perfect timing. I’m so ready to grow again! And we drove by Russell’s potential kindergarten… you guys, it is the prettiest little public school you’ve ever seen! I have no idea if the teachers are any good, but it’s several little grey stone buildings with bright blue wooden doors and grounds filled with eucalyptus trees. In the words of Tina Fey’s two year old daughter:

“I want to go to there!”

After that we didn’t have to go home and dive into a gallon ice cream. No way! We went to Dairy Queen and got chocolate, cherry, or butterscotch dipped ice cream cones and went to a new park we’ve been wanting to try by our house. And it was good!

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And I am good.

And I just wanted to let you know you don’t have to be afraid of my blog anymore.

The next post will be about Easter camping, and I’m going to see if I can find a piece of software to balance the cuteness of the pictures by letting you smell HOW BAD WE STUNK when we got home! Camping laundry is the worst, because after you shower and go out to throw it in the wash you can’t BELIEVE you smelled like this. And didn’t notice!

And tonight I’m going with my cousin Jack to the E Street Café to see Blue Mountain Mule for the first time!

Onward and upward my friends! Have a good weekend!

2 comments:

Erin said...

One of the best things Nic has ever said to me is "I like your face." That was seriously the best compliment he could come up with, but he totally meant it and it was perfect. Now instead of "I love you," we say "I like your face."

That's why we love these guys right? Because just when you think they're hopeless they take you to the perfect place at the perfect moment and totally earn their keep for another year.

I'm so glad that Friday went well and I can't wait for your next adventure!

Andrea said...

That does look like the perfect afternoon :) And I'm glad that you are feeling "free" now.