Tuesday, April 12, 2011

“Whatever Gets You By”

How do I put this? … I know:

“They roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws!!”

And if any of their neighbors were standing near an open window they heard it. And if anyone happened to be walking by they probably saw the house shake. And if any of you have a psychic connection with me, last Thursday you suddenly needed an antacid…

Yeah, Jon and I, we went ahead and had one of those fights.

Stop! Alissa! Stop right now! We tolerate you talking about your underwear and your finances and your love of John Stewart on here, but do NOT GO THERE!

Would it make you feel any better if I told you the story ends with:

And he is still hot.”

You have to admit, I’m pulling out all the clever on that one.

Listen, 10 years of marriage will take you to the brink of stuff. Brink of ecstasy, brink of destruction, brink of financial ruin, brink of fame and fortune… or so I’ve been told. Hey, when I was first married we used to visit The Brink three or four times a week! Now we’re old. And we have children. We are too tired to go to ANY brinks that often…

so when we do…

I don’t know what happened. The next morning you roll over and, if you’re “lucky” like me, you are laying next to someone who feels as dumb and crappy as you do. After ten years, what do you even say? There is a point where even the “morning after the big fight” has happened enough times that you can do that short hand as well;


“Yeah… you?”


And then I text the babysitter and find the absolute dumbest no drama movie still in theatres, and we GO OUT.

So, I’m sure you’re dying to know what the fight was about? I’m not holding back here, I will totally tell you! First he…. well, I forget what started it, but then, boy, I was mad! So I… well, I don’t remember, but he thought I was overreacting, and, you guys! He just doesn’t understand that I am good mom and my job is hard, and, oh my gosh, how many times does he have to tell me that he’s exhausted by the demands of his bosses at work only to find himself in trouble with his ‘boss’ at home… he did NOT just say that!

(sticks and stones will break your bones, but, holy crap, the truth stings!)

Sorry, you wanted something juicy? It’s so cliché! Although when Hollywood makes these movies it’s all despair and Revolutionary Road, or over the top caricatures like National Lampoons Vacation. No one makes movies about what it’s really like (duh, we watch movies to escape), but it’s cliché anyway. 

And, GOSH! It sucks because I like Jon so much! He is by far the most handsome man I have ever wanted to strangle to death!

Our fight was totally about everything and nothing (a.k.a. recipe for success). And it doesn’t help that when I took Russell to school last Monday there was a post-it that said “Closed For Easter Break.”  Which is when I threw myself against the door and wailed “Easter isn’t for three more weeks!! PLEASE LET US IN!!!”  Well, in my head at least. With an almost unnoticeable twitch in my cheek I simply stood there and calmly held Russell’s hand and imagined the next 7 days of uninterrupted parenting bliss. And by that I mean no showers, hot meals or connected trains of thought for this mom. Needless to say, by Thursday I am not sure I was even a person anymore, much less a rational partner to try and sit and watch a little show with. 

And don’t think I didn’t tell him! In fact, even the cat was on her best behavior around the crazy lady. I didn’t just look crazed, I probably smelled crazed and sounded crazed, too. I believe my exact words were (see if you can navigate through the subtlety here): “I am not okay. I feel like the skin has been peeled off my body and if you even breath near me I might set you on fire.” Which is when he chose to enlighten me that if I could just create some structure for Russell my days would go better. Oh, ha! I guess I do remember what started it after all! Jon will be so happy to hear, er, read that. 

Now, let me explain why Jon and I work… Jon is loud. He is not delicate, he is not careful, he is not emotionally intuitive. He is a force of nature (not unlike a certain 5 year old roommate of ours). Jon is absolutely the most hysterical person I have ever met, his humor hits my funny bone with a rubber chicken every time. He does not possess a single sneaky or manipulative bone. I have never, ever, seen him look at another woman. I might describe it as other women are in black and white, and I am the only one in Technicolor. I don’t think he could hold a grudge if I carved it out of stone and handed it to him. He’s not spiritual in any way that I can relate to, but he has an absolute faith in a Heavenly Father and a Jesus Christ. What you see, is what you get. And have I mentioned I also like what I see?

Now you might see a problem taking shape here, I am an emotionally complex, spirited and sensitive creature who is mostly rational, most of the time. When our opposite natures work for us, it really, REALLY works. It’s so good for me that a lot of my nature (read: tantrums) just roll off of him, but, um, when you’ve just told the love of your life that you are feeling like a kabob over a fire after spending four unrelenting days with his spawn, and he somehow misses the giant flashing lights and the “DANGER!” “TURN BACK NOW!” signs everywhere? Well, this is our challenge.

And because he takes on that challenge with me? THAT is why he is still hot.

When you are picking a partner, don’t go for looks or bank account; go for a partner who has a WILLINGNESS to fight the fight. Jon’s story isn’t mine to share, but I will tell you this: there’s a lot of good reasons that he shouldn’t be the person he is today. And, honestly? I don’t know if I am supposed to the person I am. He is my match. We have stretched, climbed, negotiated, celebrated, apologized, cried, laughed and stepped all over each other in the quest to figure out what’s next and somehow become the people we were born to be. It’s why we stand on the other side of, not just last Thursday, but ELEVEN years together. Those people we were when we met? The ones from eleven years ago? Neither one had ever been in a relationship with anyone else for more than NINE months! Hopefully today you would find them a little improved from those kids that fell in love traipsing all over Central Utah so he could drive her in all the small town parades on her Miss Fountain Green Lamb Days float.

And that, my friends, is TMI. Now go hug and kiss whoever that person is in your life who will let you be all your colors.


Jon said...

My name is Jon King and I approve of this post, well at least most of it, she left out how I was right and she apologized profusely.

Alissa Rae King said...

Yeah, you're right... except I'm pretty sure the only thing I ever do "profusely" is swear like my Navy husband taught me too.

Brookelyn said...

Hey Jon, Nice Chest.

I heart you both. Thank you both for being a safe place.


Andrea said...

Eleven years! Holy Crap! (I know you wrote some other stuff, but we are old now, and I just can't get past that...)