Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I See Dead People

Funny thing, that movie isn’t even on my list. Hmph :)

But Happy Halloween, and here’s a treat! My Top Beloved Horror Movies. This post is so easy to write and also, so very tricky. Do you remember what Maleficent did to that poor baby because her parents forgot to invite her to the party? Trust me, I am leaving ‘people’ out of this list that would make Maleficent seem like the tooth fairy. Let’s just hope they are too busy committing overly detailed and dramatic mass murders somewhere far away from a computer and my social faux pas may be overlooked.

I am not a critic, but I know what I like, and we have seen almost all of it. Don’t judge me, you can have your thrilling rides at Six Flags (NO thanks) and I will get my thrills when Jason slices drunk promiscuous teenagers into lunchable size after chasing them through the woods like he was on a leisurely stroll, while they are running the four minute mile and still… Whap!  I’m not ashamed to admit Jon and I laugh like children!

Children of the Corn, anyway.

Also, not like a horror buff can have limits, but I actually do. I don’t do Saw. And I don’t do war flicks. I only do fantasy horror, spectacular or strange. I can’t do real! I know, I’m a wimp. So, here you go, I have narrowed down my ridiculously long list of all the gruesome goodies my dad doesn’t want me to watch, to the few that I could actually fit into one weekend if I didn’t have children, plans, a bladder, oh, and no time to spend the next week in a straight jacket while I recover. In mostly no particular order we have:

Resident Evil

residentevil_303  numero uno. My favorite scary movie ever. It has all the goods! No, really; it’s sleek, creepy, it has a suicidal computer, some dead folks, some undead folks, suspense, mystery, and machine guns. Oh yeah. And the main girl? Her name’s Alice. Even the poster art for this series rocks:

 ART_resident_evil_posterresident_evil_extinction_ver5ResidentEvil2-Apocalypse2004 

but the first one is the only only one on this list, because it’s really all you need.

13  Ghosts

thirteen_ghosts_ver1  good enough spooky flick, but my REAL favorite thing about this movie is the special features on the DVD where they do shorts on each of the ghosts. LOVE a good tortured story.

Evil Dead Trilogy

the_evil_dead_92562ce3_175 evil_dead_3_1_204 not for everyone, but if you’re going to be a real horror movie fan this is a must. It is AWESOME camp and gore and sleaze and BRUCE CAMPBELL has a rubber face.

Queen of the Damned and Underworld

queen_of_the_damned underworld before the “Twi-hards”, there were the those of us who were wise by being good and truly scared of vampires. These movies do that right.

28 Days Later

MV5BNzM2NDYwNjM3OF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNDYxNzk5._V1._SX214_CR0,0,214,314_ borders on the edge of a little too ‘real’ for me, which is why it get’s 5 stars. Zombies are scary, but fast enraged zombies? And I saw this one in the theatre, so you can’t pause or jump up and down, you just have to sit there and FREAK OUT

Secret Window 

secret_window_2004_poster the most fantastic thing about this movie is HOW funny it is while it is totally messing with your mind.

Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland

4sht_SOTD_Master_5-2Ä  MV5BMTU5MDg0NTQ1N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjA4Mjg3Mg@@._V1._SY314_CR5,0,214,314_ Who says there’s nothing funny about the undead? I almost didn’t watch Zombieland because the opening credits are some of the goriest and most nauseating images I have ever seen, but it does actually turn into one of my favorite Zombie Flicks, and  I can’t help but think the people who made that movie REALLY like their jobs.

The Grudge

MV5BMjIxODg1Nzc3NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjM0MjEzMw@@._V1._SX214_CR0,0,214,314_ I also saw this in the theatre the first time so you are sort of trapped there in your seat. This movie scared me so bad, it was the first time I have cried from fear. Awesome. OH! And the best part? We were there with a packed crowd which was silent for the whole thing, but when the credits rolled, for some reason the whole audience broke out in laughter. Myself among them, it was so weird! Like such a collective relief! One of my weirder horror movie experiences. 

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

6d_163746_0_UnderworldRiseOfTheLycans this get’s it’s own spot, because I love Underworld, but I LOVE this movie. Best werewolf movie ever. And I would know.

Frankenstein and Dracula

poster-frankenstein-herald Dracula-movie-poster good. and do yourself a favor and read the books. I’m just saying.

Candyman

MV5BMTYzOTk5MDMwNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTE0MDIyMQ@@._V1._SY314_CR1,0,214,314_ the one that started it all, fresh out of high school, laying on the floor with Brooke and BJ in front of Caroline’s giant tv in the little blue house. I still can’t say Candyman three times.

The Machinist

machinist_ver4 drawn to this by morbid curiosity to see how skinny Christian Bale got for the role, the movie turned out to be a total ride! If you haven’t seen this, you should. Not gory, just bendy, haunted.

Pans Labyrinth

pans_labyrinth_ver3 I LOVE this wonderful weird movie.

The Scream Movies

210509.1020.A  this series made me feel like I wasn’t the only one in the late 90’s completely falling in love with scary movies again. Giving homage to the past slashers, yet still throwing us off the trail of what has once been predictable, and killing the star 10 minutes into the first one? As campy as it seems now, I think it changed the game, and I still like them.

Labyrinth and Dark Crystal and Beetlejuice

MPW-39960dark_crystalbeetlejuice take a walk on the weird side, and bring the kids. No I do NOT show my kids horror movies. Russell is going to be Indiana Jones for Halloween and he hasn’t really ever seen the movies. Now odd dark movies by Jim Hensen? Or Beetlejuice? Day-Oh! Me Say Da-a-ay-Oh!

Blood the Last Vampire a

blood_the_last_vampire short anime, it is GORGEOUS, from an art standpoint, I find it mesmerizing and truly gory scary creepy.

Freddy VS Jason

freddy-vs-jason-horror-movies-694831_1024_768 after hours of enjoyment watching bad slasher flicks it’s surprising how much fun Jon and I had watching these two kill the hell out of each other. It’s really a sign of my mental illness. This whole list is.

And what’s not on the list? Just about a million other goodies! But if I don’t stop now this list will never make it on this years Halloween blog! And I have to say that no, not this year and, no, not next year, Jon, you will never find Monkeyshine on any of my lists, even if it did make you scream like a girl in the theatre. Sorry.

UPDATE:

Lorraine is SO RIGHT, it would be a sin to leave out the original

The Haunting

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it’s not just good because it was one of the first ones I saw, it’s good because the house wins! And you don’t even blame the leading lady when she swirls around the greenhouse like a maniac, because she really does belong there. In a really creepy horrible way.

2 comments:

Lorraine_in_Spain said...

You didn't include THE HAUNTING??? (the 1959 original, not the horrible remake).

Honestly. Who are you????

that aside, the rest of your choices were spectacular. I've seen a great deal of them- mostly with you. But I can't do the scream movies. I was too traumatized by what happened to Drew Barrymore in the first 10 minutes.

Brookelyn said...

Lois those first 10 minutes are what make it!! I know your sister and I are sick. and this is the Best movie list EVER! Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself. They're all on there. Although I'll give the old haunting to little Lois. Oh and you know my favorite Disney movie, The Watcher in the Woods. Those two I would have added... oh and maybe Rose Red, but that was a mini-series and there's just something about watching Kyle scream during it that may have jaded my memory. I want to watch all of these. RIGHT NOW! And you almost didn't include any Freddy movies... Don't worry Jon, those make me cry and scream like a little girl....(Only I am a little girl and those are acutally scary)